First published 11th April, 2016
A question that my ego asks all time about this blog is, ‘Why are you doing this?’
Gandhi said, “Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.” In my more bombastic days, when I first heard this quote it rankled me, ‘Hey I’m not insignificant!”. But I was obviously missing the point. I realise now that insignificance can relate to the individual components and interactions of your daily life. Actions and thoughts that don’t necessarily reveal their significance at the time they are happening to you.
In another sense, it can refer to the idea that we are all insignificant beings within this universe with our lives being no greater or less than another’s. However, our lives and actions are important. Everything we do is important because it’s the expression of our intent in life, whether we understand it at the time or not. So every time I write one of these posts, I write for myself but I post for something else. I can’t even say what that is yet because I’m not entirely sure.
Being a young woman with breast cancer was a surreal and isolating experience. I would try and find other similar stories or just the stories of young survivors who had gone through breast cancer. And it wasn’t about going through chemo or what meds they took, or the operations they had because that was boring. It was when women would share the utterly ordinary things that happened to them as women with cancer.
Shortly after finishing her treatment, Kylie Minogue mentioned in an interview how during chemo she felt so proud of herself for making the journey to her local cafe despite feeling so tired. During one of my cycles around day 7, I was at that stage where I could no longer physically eat. I decided I could manage a smoothie and drove to Boost juice, finding a park about a block away. I walked that block from my car to Boost, and then back again. When I made it to my car, Boost juice in hand, I had to lean heavily against the doorframe before getting in. I sat in my seat utterly exhausted, sweating in my wig, trying to collect myself before I could drive away. It was disturbing to think I had to give that much exertion just for a short walk but at least I was still trying. From that point, I knew then exactly what Kylie meant.
There are often common experiences that those with breast cancer will encounter that are not spoken about. Like the bizarre and inadvertently hurtful things that people will say in social situations in an effort to relate. Or how you can lose people who were close to you because they couldn’t deal with you or your cancer. Sharing my story feels important because it may actually be a powerful thing for someone who is going through the same experience I did years ago to hear.
The small off-hand things I write or describe may actually strike a chord in someone else. This is why it is important. I may never know the effect it may have on a reader but that’s not the point. The mere act of being open and putting it out there is enough for me.
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